Had a good time with my cousins at dinner! Was prepared to extend the night by joining my friend from SG partying with his friends but an unexpected call came and was delighted that we could meet even though it was totally unexpected! Alas, my joy turned into despair when the plan was dropped. Thought that I could still join my friend but I was down. Did not want to spoil my friend's night with my mood! Decided to walk around BB instead. Sat down at Gloria Jean and ordered a cup of Americano but what came was diluted. Sign of a bad night!!!! Anyway, told them about it and they promptly changed it!
A night out alone got me thinking! Why did I ever let myself get into this situation??? I should have known better!! I should have remained rational!! I should never let my heart rule my head!!
I thought I have forgotten how that feeling is!! But I was mistaken!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love defies logic!!! This time round it seems more intense and deeper than I had ever experienced!!! But it seemed one-sided all the while!! At times, I feel he loves me but most of the time I have my doubts!! Does he love me?? The doubts have grown deeper!! Maybe he just likes me! Maybe he just like the attention I showered on him! Maybe he just likes the love that I have shown for him! Maybe he just like the care that I have given him!! Maybe I am expecting too much!!! Maybe I am demanding too much!!!
Right from the day of first contact, he has made his intentions clear, he wanted to be friends and to have some fun!!! I was being naive!! At my age, naivety hurts!! But then again at that moment, those were my intentions too. But things do not always turns out as one wanted! Day by day, I was attracted without a good reason!! It was unexplainable!! Illogical!! My heart grew fonder and fonder, much to my dismay!! I had not wanted it! I thought I am a person who had full control of my emotions!!! But how wrong can I be!!!
The only logical thing for me to do now is to just be friends and forget about the whole thing!! What is not meant to be will not be!!! I thought I can be selfless and give without ever expecting!! I am no Mother Teresa!! I am mere mortal!! Yes, I had expectations! Yes, I am understanding but there is always a limit to everything!! I guess I have reached my limit!! Time to withdraw!!
LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS!!!!!
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ReplyDeleteWell written Drew...if he is yours, yours...however, welcome to the blogger space!
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